It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Get a piano. I want to have sex on it.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Is it bad if I just put band-aids over my nipples? Way too hungover be dealing with a bra
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I woke up in the middle of the night on all fours turning circles in my bed! No more patron for me!
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
Talk shit all you want but with my new knife sharpener I have a lethal razor sharp pizza cutter. Fuck with me Mario I dare you!
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