Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
Only my sister would update her facebook status while going into labor.
I was thinking about baking his mom "sorry you found out i was sleeping with your son" cupcakes
he's 25, hott, and leaving for iraq tuesday, i wanna get in as much as possible...
your life is a nick sparks novel waiting to happen
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
We were ushered out of Medieval Times by a squire for making out in the torture chamber. Children were present.
I wanna get a tattoo next to my tattoo that says, my ex did this so don't fucking ask
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Are we allowed to ho on the roof?
Randomize
