He keeps looking? I tried to shag. I invited him to this table but he went to ze other one! If he shaves his 'tache I would totally hit it.
It was just so hard to get through Conan without crying like a baby. I'm just so proud of him.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
as he was fingering me, all I was thinking about was how lucky his girlfriend is...
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
sometimes you just gotta eat tacobell at 2am and cry all your feelings out
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
