feel weird hangin out with you now that i've eaten your sister out
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I literally paid him in shots to clean my entire apartment. he even vacuumed...who said alcoholism is a bad thing??
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
Also I'm at the pub and there are old lady pirates gyrating on a pole. I wish you were here.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
DONT TELL ME I CANT HAVE AN ENTIRE BOTTLE OF VODKA AT DINNER. IM AN ADULT. I PAY BILLS.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
My boss walked into my office and gave me a toothbrush and tips for dealing with sex hair. She knows what’s up
There's something sensual about taking off a pair of socks.
Randomize
