they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
I gave up sex for lent.
I guess that means I'm postponing our date until after Easter.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
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We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
No I am not eating basil off your cock
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
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There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
Well, let me first tell you that jack and cokes were ONE FUCKING DOLLAR.. It's like the club wanted me to make poor choices.
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