am i at home because theres a dig starrrrring at me and i dont know wit plus i haer sirens. run fast.
we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
My boss just gave me full permission to come into work wasted this weekend.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she peed on how many people?
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
My dream of liquor pitchers came true
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Do not try to steal a picnic table from a park, all you will end up with are sore arms and broken dreams.
Hey, I'm 22. I'm allowed to have a sex life and you're going to hear about it.
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
Thought the acid was fake. Then my reflection didn't move when I did in the bathroom.
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