tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
Working out to an exercise video on OnDemand. Also, drinking beer and eating cream cheese with a side of bagel in between stretches.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
I just had cybersex with some guy from the Netherlands for 2 HOURS instead of doing my History project...how's your break going?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
Oh my lord it is too early in the morning to be that horny freak
my vagina doesn't wear a watch
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I feel like I beer bonged a ton of asbestos
I took a dab in Denver and was I. Rocky Mountain national park almost to Wyoming before I realized I missed my turn.
We drunkenly made out once four years ago and then he immediately vomited and honestly I've never gotten over him
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
