Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
you made sure to tell everyone that the amount of people you had slept with was actually quite low, especially when the size of your breasts was taken into account
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
I was lying I actually don't, I hope a reindeer shitted in her bed
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I told him I was going outside to throw up and I ended up passing out in the front yard in my underwear for 45 minutes. When I walked back inside he said "where have u been?". My husband ladies and gentlemen
hurry there's a jack Daniels slip n slide and clothes are coming off faster than I can even comprehend oh thank god for autocorrect
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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