I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Ive yelled into your vagina. There are few lines we haven't crossed at this point.
THC water in my coffee on the way to work. How's your Tuesday?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
After the Jell-o shots and about 6 shots of lighter fluid brand tequila, it got to the point where breathing was painful. All I could do was pray I didn't fall asleep in the front yard.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
Sorry you had to clean the sheets with your macro notes
I was gonna turn him down, but he correctly identified a song from Pocahontas.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
How high were you when you left that message, cause you made honest-to-God, credible seal noises.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
Randomize
