The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I guess calling a coworker a lesbian sea cow is some kind of violation.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
What's the protocol when you drive the girl's head into the wall during sex and she starts to cry?
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
When the question of, do you know who's ass has been on the cake you are eating is said... Good or bad party?
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
mom had to come pick me up from the hotel. I crawled to her car. She told me the entire way home if I puked in it I was going to lick it up. Like high school all over again...
Just got road head. In broad daylight. On the interstate. During rush hour. Pushing the envelope one public bj at a time.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I begin to question your sobriety when you both left here shirtless, with beers in one hand and shotguns in the other
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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