i need an iv and a liver transplant
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
So my prents justed posted "DO NOT DISTURB" on facebook and i just heard their door shut and lock...I'm leaving
Ok. Cause im very serious about this. I wanna strip and do coke for a month
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
you have no idea the dirty thing i want to do to your blad spot. please wear my vagina as a hat.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
I never thought I'd say this but there's too many dicks around here.
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
