i think i just saw hanson at the grocery store. one might have been a girl. hard to tell. lets call that one taylor.
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
do you know how scary it is to wake up in a CATSCAN machine after a night of drinking?
you know you made it when your beer pong table is made from imported italian hardwood
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
The main motivators in my life are my sex drive and spite
Is it okay to mention my ambition to become a supervillian and kill all humans on a first date, or is that a second date discussion?
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize
