Just kissed her with a dip in my mouth... She was either too drunk to notice or too cool to care
bathroom sex at kohls isnt as trashy as it seems
You dont remember anything at all? So you dont remember the shop down my road with the 'TO LET' sign over it? You were adamant that the 'I' had fallen off and that it used to say TOILET...so you took a shit right there in the doorway.
So he thinks I sent him a picture of my boob last night, but it was really just a close up of my arm.
It's the foolproof way to identify who didn't get laid last night
i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
First coke bust down the road. Spring is finally here.
I'm at your house, laying with your dog, eating taco meat, take your time.
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
We played Rock Paper Scissors to see who would have to go down on the other person.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
whoevers yellow car is in your driveway right now... i plan to steal. just an FYI
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
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