1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
You know you think of me naked too
Not since I found Jesus
were with a gay guy with a minnesota accent. think about how funny that sounds.
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
I feel like my vagina stays drunk longer than the rest of me. It's always super sensitive and hungry the day after drinking.
i woke up and the dog was eating spaghetti off my chest.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
I respect the size of her balls.
Yeah but I don't respect the size of her anything else.
I give you full permission to fuck a rando on my air mattress.
He just pulled out my weave during sex....needless to say I'm embarrassed and in need of another shot pronto
Best orgasm I ever had! I though we totally connected and I asked him to stay over. He went back to the sigma chi house and returned with his blankie and a 40. please help
yea sometimes its awkward. but when you're a straight bartender at a gay bar and everyone knows it, they all think that they can make me turn gay. its like oh yea dude that extra $20 tip makes me want to suck some dick now
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Randomize
