I tried to gradually lead her into my room but she wouldn't stop crying and quoting memoirs of a geisha
Remind me to tell you about the dream where im a fighting a super hero whose only weakness is sunkist.
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
I feel the need to point out that one of the items on my to-do list for the day is "don't throw up" I have no concept of normal
ughh I puked about 4 times on metro, no one seems to like the cool design I made on my shirt
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
Hey could you buy me 2 bottles of arbor mist? I'm trying to get laid tonight
my vagina can't take this anxiety. there is no way he is 19 and this smooth. he's lying about his age or he's a goddamn sexual prodigy
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
New holiday tradition. Eat all the Xanax in the am, then wake up later after festivities and eat all the leftovers
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Randomize
