Saying she let herself go implies she was actually holding on
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I'm sorry for what I said earlier...your vagina wouldn't look funny If you had a kid.
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
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He just went up to bed, still drunk from last night, carrying a pear, a pipe, and an unopened bottle of wine. I think he'll be fine.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I saved him as teletubby in my phone....that can't be a good sign. I'm not answering.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
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Hey, so, you were my "one phone call" last night... Thanks for not picking up. See, this is why I never call you.
There is no sno cone on earth better than alone naked time. Side note: text when you all are headed home.
It's hard to hold down the snapchat button for video while thrusting. Sorry if the cinematography wasn't Oscar-worthy.
Funny how the post-sex UTI lasted longer than the entire relationship.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
So i came so hard i almost passed out, where has this vibrator been all my life?