My nipple is on Facebook.
Of course im so fucked up sarah. I fight away tornadoes.
his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
These 25 People Are Obsessed With Pizza
I just smoked a bowl in the dining room and am now drinking a glass of chocolate milk. i can't believe i'm getting paid for this.
Heed the warning of the ghost of Oktoberfest present: German beer is soooooooo much better than our watered down children's piss. also lost all my clothes and am wearing lederhosen the rest of the trip.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
16 Sexual Experiences EVERYONE Should Have At Least Once
Drunk me spoon fed everyone baby food last night.
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
If by some world ending natural disaster I get into an actual relationship with this kid, should I tell him the truth about the web of lies I've based our current relationship on?
Oh hell no my vagina is on that screenshot
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.