I just realized I had sex more when i looked like a fat elton john. Fuck my life.
the only evidence i have from this weekend existing is a title page for a novel i tried writing called "the oyster who gave up drinking"
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
These 23 People Prove You Don’t Have To Be A 10 To Be Good In Bed
I got stood up on a date. They are singing "dancing with myself" on karaoke in my honor.
Good point, clearly my love of penis contributed to my torn knee ligament.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
people came up our fire escape and one had a cut on his leg and he was beautiful so i told him i was an emt and bandaged it with princess bandaids
All the party invite said was a date and "21 to drink, 18ish to sleep over"
21 People That Had The Worst Birthdays Imaginable
Hooked up with a guy dressed as Miss Frizzle last night... Asked if I could ride his Magic School Bus
What do you expect from her? Do you remember that creepy man she dated who saturated a pillowcase in his musky cologne and mailed it to her and she still slept with him.
Dude. I don't even want cuddles. I just want an acknowledgement that I just had balls in my mouth.
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
Banging to Billy Joel pandora is like russian roulette. But I made him cum to Let It Be so I we both walked away victors
I woke up with a twisted ankle and was covered in lube. Not entirely sure what happened last night