Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
Psycho is an understatement. U were running around the house screaming IM UNDER THE IMPERIOUS CURSE
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how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
i just got a clause named after me in the 'alcohol and drug use' section of the handbook. this is certainly a warning sign.
not sure what to think.... picked her up and her dad says "if you take her home, you'll regret it"
I remember sucking his bleeding finger and then it's all black until he had his hand down my pants.
i woke up to the sound of my roommate climbing onto my desk mumbling that she was going to bed
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I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
We have a great relationship based on communication, sex, and mutual loathing.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
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