do you think they ever dumped Gatorade over Michael Vick's head after his dog won?
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
For a whole 2 minutes you were convinced you were talking to my voicemail
I started the year with 2,800 dollars and am now down to 83 dollars-one of which i use to snort my focalin. I have given up on food and am perplexed as to how I can make 82 dollars last more than two weekends for booze
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
I saw him coke blaxckout on the subway at 9 this morning yelling at people callig himself the gatekeeper.
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
Are you seriously getting this frustrated over a hand-job right now?
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Let me set the mood for you. Do you remember Britney Spears in her Hit Me Baby One More Time era? Well I just fucked this college girl I shit you not her name is Persephone and she looks exactly like Britney Spears back when she was hot. I might be in love.
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