I went from sexy to sloppy in a matter of minutes
I wish there was some sort of "recently added" function for blackberrys so i could see what random numbers i got from the night before
i went through the entire semester and only just now realized there's a girl in my history class that i've hooked up with.
how come everytime i call mom shes doing tequila shots
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
okay just a general question, but if i got arrested, who here would bail me out. this is important.
She lost her glasses and we found them on the roof. Don't ask questions. Kings cup was intense last night.
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
I'm going to invent an ap that tests your stress levels before texting and will say something like "nope, go rub one out and try again in 10 min"
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
he's been dating her for 18 months and cheating on her with me for 16. if that's not commitment, i don't know what is.
being broke is really keeping my alcoholism in check
This is my life. Currently ordering a gift for my straight married girlfriend's husband from my lesbian married girlfriend.
Randomize