That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Totally just grabbed the wrong dick. Damn this tequila.
as they left, you opened the door, dropped your pants then yelled "don't leave, this is what you're missing"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
im not 100% but im pretty sure at some point i was rubbing ur bf's beard telling him how magnificient i thought it was
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Is "sorry I booted you out mid-fuck last night" a good icebreaker?
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
I'm home now if you wanna come over.
Sloane just tried to lick my eyeball. I'm going to regain my composure then I'll be there.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
PANTIES FOUND
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
Randomize
