so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
What's the protocol on showing a video of me sucking the life out of my ex in order to prove beyond a doubt that I give great head???
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
I'm going to buy her a puppy, let her fall in love with it, then kill it in front of her. Does that answer how I feel about her?
That was like me applying to a law school drunk at 5 am
Hahaha. That's funny.
But I got an 18k dollar per year scholarship
How can I explain how nice he is to you? ...like, I'm going to have to have my world famous why being a douche is sexy talk.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
i survived drinking for 24 hours, an 8 ball of cocaine and a threesome. I think you can handle moving.
You know you have a good math teacher when we're talkIng about mixture problems and no one gets it until he explains it by talking about mixing alcohol
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Randomize
