Dub. In the bra. Dub in the bra.
mutual masturbation is only cool if cash money records is involved.
Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
Dude you couldnt even talk, you just kept hiccuping and slamming your head on the wall.
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
So i am officially handcuffed to the pole on the party bus while taking jello shots.....this shall be an interesting night
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
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