So my roomate was sunbathing this morning on the porch with a sock covering his penis
Sounds like a really classy character....
He is classy. It was argyle.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
So i've def seen the girl running for student body VP getting fingered in a bar.
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
Just pure bliss will emerge from Charles, my tranny bong.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
Did we do drunk science last night? There's tequila in the test tubes...
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
Randomize
