just won a stolen shopping cart in a dance off in a parking lot.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
just hooked up with an air force officer in a hotel room paid for by the military. i feel like i should go around thanking taxpayers for the assist.
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
I have a page in my 2010 scrapbook dedicated to pictures of his cock.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Tell them to carpool to pride, have a 3way, and if one says 'no thanks' just tell em it's not gay if it happened in a 3way!
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Am I under any obligation to let my new fuck buddy know I slept with his little sister?
My god imagine how much cum is in that astroturf
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
Getting a lap dance from a girl you went to high school with really isn't as awkward as you'd think
And she called me out by name, nothing could have made it more awkward but it ended up not being that bad
Would you say that skipping class and sitting alone in my room singing One Direction to myself and sobbing is an acceptable way to deal with the break-up
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