I just cleaned my sheets and decided to do a black light test. My headboard is a masterpiece.
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
she said she was living bicuriously through me.
Just watched a drug bust from the Ralphs parking lot while listening to Frank Sinatra. Happy Valentine's Day.
N I'm drinking this invention I call "do-it-fluid" I had a bottle of vodka that was 3/4th empty, so I put in 1/4th rum, 1/4th tequila, 1/4th whisky... it's definitely the worst idea ever..
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm not taking advice from anyone I've seen passed out naked at noon on the hood of a strangers car. Meaning you.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Well I didn't spend $7 on an Uber just to get limp dick
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
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