I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
I just wanted to clarify that I am not bisexual and had no intentions of ACTUALLY penetrating my roommate with a can of bugspray.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
You know those twins i had a crush on in grade school? Just woke up between them. Best. Party. EVER.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
Is a coke binge Whole30 approved?
Just realized how behind i am. Will gradually increase drinking until i don't remember that i missed an entire year of class.
Randomize