imagine a blue Jetta with an ILLINOIS license plate that read JISLORD..... upon pondering it for 10minutes I came to the conclusion that J stood for JESUS and IF the license plate had enough room it would read "Jesus Is Lord"
so i told him i have my period and he put his head by my vagina and said "I HATE YOU!"
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
either I'm really high or that last bong rip tasted like christmas
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
Guy in my class today said, "I'm pretty sure you think about beer 95% of the time."
Is it too much to ask to have a life partner who has both male and female sex organs that looks cute and sounds like a female Antonio Banderas and likes to get weird?
Randomize
