you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
He got me an interview at his law firm and his boss asked him what he had to say about me. His response "He dates CRAZY bitches."
A man pulled out his penis last night and when I said I wouldn't touch it, he said, "that's fine it just needs to breathe".
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
Where did this racoon skin hat, stop sign and bag full of tacos come from?
Narnia or $5 pitcher night either way
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Something bad happened. I'm just giving you some notice. So you can smoke some pot and hide all sharp items in the house.
when I woke up, he was drunk and singing "soft kitty" and petting my face
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.
He's getting so into these sexts, I hate to tell him I'm fully clothes, watching Bring It On and eating chips and salsa.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
I don't know who he was but he was covered up with a shower curtain and ate a whole bottle of tums
your fucking longboard fell on me while we were having sex you fucking hipster
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