Masterbating to gospel music is like god cheering on your orgasm
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
You were pretty committed to that cat costume. Between pukes, you would meow and assure people that you just had a hairball you couldn't get out...
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
Why is the word 'best' written on my chest?!!
I don't think boys are aware how difficult it is to take a picture of your own ass.
I don't have any money, so I'm just gonna press my boobs against him for his birthday.
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
Passing out on a toilet is not classy no matter what you're wearing. Not even a pea coat.
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
AMAZON SELLS SEX SWINGS!
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
