Words i added to my t9 today: gnomes, facebook, and chlamydia.
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
dude my 8 year old cousin is allowed to drink wine coolers. as long as its infront of my aunt. wtf
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
I feel like your dick pick is everywhere. Never have I needed to be so careful when posting pictures.
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
for some reason leaving your socks onmakes it less meaningful.
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Made it to the top o the stairs ALIVE YES FUCJ YOU GRAVITY
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
Randomize
