i'm signing you up for texting rehab
quick i need to know how implid consent works for golf carts
too late i think im gettin a gcui
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I'm drinking bacardi out of her mom's eco-green starbucks mug and chasing it with her sister's "for track only" vitamin water. Hello suburbia
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
Watching Fresh Prince at 9am with a beer in hand and he just said to Uncle Phil "Sometimes I worry that I'll never get my life together." I feel like that was a sign from above or something
Well no need to be a stranger, even if you aren't interested in joining my bisexual polygamist marriage. New city, new friends.
It's like a party bus, but there's a glass, airtight wall separating the driver from the passengers, and once everyone's on, they pump vaporized THC into the cabin.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
i was trying to figure out what "tidy fucking" was when i realized he meant "titty fucking" and i need to start banging smarter people....
I know but at least you've never been asked to have sex dressed up like Catwoman
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
So bottomless mimosas = me waking up in a truck bed in a random neighborhood with no purse or phone or idea how I got there.
Randomize
