wtf. i just found you're porn stash.
u like it?
NOT THE POINT.
I don't think he understands what an important role his penis plays in my level of self esteem
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Just heard the words 'Pussy Riot' on NPR...I almost crashed my car.
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Can you bring me the toilet please
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
A guy caught me talking to a sock today in the Laundry room if it makes you feel any better
Sadly that does. Why...where you talking to a sock
Bc I didn't know him and I asked him where he came from and why he was hanging out with my thongs
No. I don't like you. I like your penis. Chin up. At least I like part of you.
Randomize
