I found a picture of my kindergarten class. Now you can see whose peer pressure I succumbed to.
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Guess who just got out of a ticket because the cop liked her costume? THIS GIRL.
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
We were hunting our best friend with a BB gun in the backyard. I'd say the vaporizer was a worthy investment at this point.
I don't know what the bubonic plague feels like- but I'm gonna guess its something like this.
When the state fair security guard came to yell at her for having outside food and drink she threatened to kick him if he tried to stop her and then she proceeded to chug the whole bottle.
classic
So...I maybe walked across campus last night with my life size Joe Biden cut out.
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Found my paycheck. It was in the freezer
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