how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
Why are you ignoring all of my texts?
The power was out.
I woke up to them arguing over who would get my morning wood. Oh, and I was dressed as Santa.
is the shake weight an appropriate valentine's day present?
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
Monday morning margarita madness at ny house. Yes before wheel of fortune. Yes day drinking.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I don't really want to talk about it, but if anyone finds my unicorn mask with my bra in it, I would really like that back.
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
he told me that I'm basically going to be the mom of the house when they move in...i like to see it as being a MILF without the responsibility of real children
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
