I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
in my defence, i did try to get you to put your shirt back on, then you screamed at me to stop telling you what to do
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
I had to feed him the pizza because he was too blazed to do it himself
he sent me a pic of his dick and balls out with sunglasses over them like a face. i was at dinner.
do you still have it? i kinda want to see.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Malibu has added tequila to its rum. It's like when two beautiful gaybies come together an spawn a unicorn that only cries jellybean tears.
There is a midget driving a powered tricycle around town. I am not drunk, stoned, or lying.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
Tell him "come over but don't bring a flaccid dick"
Wear something tight
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Three cans of beer can fit in the shower catty... multi tasking
Randomize
