Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
I know you are passed out now but when you wake up in the morning your keys are in the freezer and your probly gunna want to apologize to your gf...
Don't leave without me in the morning. I keep scaring everyone cause I'm sleeping in the bathtub.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Randomize
