I just encouraged Kelsey to make out with some guy for beer so I could take one, does this make me a pimp?
By definition I think it does.
So this is what it feels like to be all that is man.
Who did Billy Mays play for?
So this text is costing me two dollars because I'm out of the country, but I just wanted to let you know it went well with the stripper last night
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
eating taco bell the same day as formal = probably a bad idea
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
dude, i have to cancel tonight, my neighbor just bought a goat
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
It's like he drunk calls 6 times for me to come over, but can't say hello at lunch.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
drunk snapchatting is the worst, because i woke up with great pictures of my tits saved to my memories and no idea who i sent them to
Randomize
