i puked in the mini-firdge
we don't have a mini-fridge?
bought one. it ws too cheap to pass up. xcept now there's puke in it,,, but the freezer's fine so i feel pretty good about that
lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
you told his mom that the only thing he wants for christmas is his dick in your mouth
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
Sharon took in a random bleeding stranger drunker than her, named her Nicole, and is feeding her jello shots on the toilet
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
At least I'm fat on the outside. You can NEVER change being fat on the inside.
Well she got high, deleted the essay she was working on, and then ordered dominos. We all manage stress in different ways.
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
Randomize
