3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Is it just me, or does Colt McCoy look like Herbie the Dentist from "Rudolph the Red-nosed Reindeer"?
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
Well, there are worse ways to make $50 at a gay club.
I was just compiling a top 5 blowjobs list and that's in there for sure.
I was full on naked standing in his room and I just said "this isn't me" and left.
Sex was great. Left his house while he was asleep but on the plus side I was able to get gas station food.
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I went to the hospital to have my arm checked out, and they already knew the story. They gave me props for posting photos on facebook before even coming to the hospital.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
you're telling me you don't want to have sex 30,000 feet above the earth?
Randomize
