I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
The guy in front of me got in the club with his green card, that's awesome
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
Ok despite the fact that both you and I love dick we could have a great marriage
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
The selfie stick gets 5 stars bc it really added a fun element to my sex tape
I'm saying "I told you so" now so that I don't slow down to say it on the way to grab the fire extinguisher
FUUUCK. sunburned vagina. this is the worst day ever. i'm not leaving my room until it peels.
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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