there is a priest convention in the hotel. i feel like god is laughing at me.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
I am gunna fuck the accent right out of her mouth
you know...the drug dealer i named my baby after.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Still not exactly sure how i unbolted your toilet from the ground.
Worst ten minutes of my life, it's was like trying to put a marshmallow in a piggy bank....
I'm just saying, no one has ever made me laugh or cum as hard as you do. Sometimes at the same time which I didn't know was possible. Is there even a word for that besides love?
Just Everbombed a Guiness to make up for cutting out early last night. Also the Mars probe. Happy birthday motherfucker!
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
I'm a grown ass woman, I need to get fucked
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
My sister just poured me a dbl Ciroc on the rocks and said "the ice makes it festive." Honestly what a role model.
sitting in the prison waiting room in my boyfriends clothes. looooong story.
So, random question. How much should you tip a Lyft driver when you realized you've fucked his sister? Asking for a friend.
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