i'm signing you up for texting rehab
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
The visine ive been using for four yrs expired. in sept. of 2001.....i will never question my eye problems again.
Blowjobs in the shower are a lot like blowjobs not in the shower. Awesome.
Her tits were the only thing that upgraded her from "no way in fuck" to "drunken mistake"
Then you can skip the embarrassing can I date your ex since you're a lesbian now conversation
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
Its bad when you wake up with a penis drawn on your face. Its worse when you find out its traced..
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
That bitch makes my crazy look like a walk in the park with cotton candy
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
One day soon I'll learn the difference between a good high and way too high. Today is not the day.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
