No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
worst morning ever. completed my walk of shame home to find my parents, grandma, and priest had come down to surprise me on my birthday. now i'm in the car with them to go get my car from the bar.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
My TA just asked me why I was late to class. How do I say because I was having the best orgasm of my life in Arabic?
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
i'm sad to say... seems like women around here set up their armageddon booty calls ahead of time. wanna fill all these condoms with tequila and head downtown???
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was sprawled on his bed and heard him and a girl walk in the apartment. I jumped out the window and am walking down main street wrapped in an american flag blanket. Can you pick me up?
My mom's yelling at me for being a whore and my dad's quizzing me on how to drive in winter weather....I'm home!
It's difficult to focus on bonds when you know your classmate peed in your mouth
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
Randomize