Do I have a sign around my neck that says "SWM desperately seeking ultra-plus-size woman that likes everything I do"? I swear they're organized
No, but you do have a sign around your neck that says "Free cupcakes."
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
He was such a tease, he pulled out his dick, let me touch it then put it away
Oh, I'm sorry. I'd rather be "doable" than "the fat chick"
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
there's a liquor store near my therapist
i might give it a shot.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Being drunk with magicians is fucking mind blowing. This Asian guy just made a platypus appear and disappear. This is not a drill.
Ugh why can't people just be grateful for my penis
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Randomize
