You guys sftrill at mcdondalds?!!!!
Yes.
fuckin bring me a cheseburgeria
It's like having an annoying little brother who wants to have sex with you
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I woke up with the wrong plaid-shirted guy in my bed.
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Ohhh. Its been awhile. Vending machine hotel condoms are $15 here who can afford to not get herpes?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I wasn't even hungover I was just mourning my dignity
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
