I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
i licked icing off his dick. in front of his sister.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
I vaguely remember trying to exfoliate my face with your leg hair. Sorry about that.
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
legit question. can i put a condom down our garbage disposal? my rents are coming over in 20
At this point I think you're just judging my taste in men
he tied his pants around my leg to stop the bleeding... i think he just wanted a good excuse to take his pants off
well did it work?
it was a success in both ways.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
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