my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
am i morally bankrupt?
no. its just the recession
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
I just found a bag of teeth...
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
I know, my friend Erin took me into the bathroom at work and poured pickle juice on me.
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I have the starring role in a literal shit show.
We are gonna sacrifice to and pray to every god in this world that he doesn't find out about her sleeping with his old roommate.
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
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