You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
i distinctly remember leaping through the apartment to rescue the clam chowder burning in the kitchen
I wonder if she thought to herself "I'm gonna sleep with that guy tonight" when she watched me puke on the bar at 3 in the afternoon?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
Just found my old bop it. So many drinking game possibilities
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
When I'm famous, she'll look at her kids and go "I saw her buttcheeks beefore she was famous. I'm truly blessed."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
Riding the train home at 6 am for class still drunk is losing its novelty in my junior year
You're 21st was epic. I woke up at 6 a.m. on the floating beer pong table in the pool with a beer still in hand. Didn't even spill any
he's had a change of heart. and besides, we could use a laugh.
oh, well, if you all need a good laugh, by all means endanger my life.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
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