I heard it from a little bird bananas is gonna be there
Is this bird reliable bc I don't wanna be wasted running around the bar asking where bananas is
I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
i actually just woke up with a lampshade on my head. god damn cliches.
woke up in my one night stand's bed and barfed all over her floor. she came back from the bathroom, looked at the vomit, looked at me and said "normally i'd tell you to clean it and get the fuck out, but i remember the sex was good, so i'll let it go." Score.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
I just dont think you can meet a stranger after youve heard them cum through the walls though
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
on a brighter note, the cop thought i could kick adams ass if it came down to that and said he had $20 on me if it ever happens
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
please tell me he didn't just scream 'i am the yiff lord' at the cops
I have only been here for a week and might contributed to a dumpster fire on accident.
His butt is perfect. Like a twelve on a scale of one to ten. No idea about his personality or anything but that ass... I'm keeping him.
Randomize