I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
Just saw remains of her puke from last night on my pants.... thats got "Apology BJ" written all over it.
woke up this morning with a pool of champagne in my purse. apparently i was saving it for later.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just don't fit in here. The other wives are ten years older and have kids!
Well, you chose trophy wife of a 35 year old over college. Sit in your suburban soup and stew.
James is trying to butt-heads with a moose. I don't know whether I should stop him or just sit back and watch where this goes.
I'm gonna get drunk in the shower and yell at my parents during dinner. Have fun in Texas.
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
