i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
i've never seen someone face fit so perfectly in a toilet bowl
No no I got the black eyes when I tried to do a flip off the second deck of a pontoon boat. Actually when I did a flip, it was a success.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
Reason # 294827284949272 i could never be a cop. I would just shoot. All the time. Ppl. Animals. Inanimate objects. Air.
Good, I would never sleep with your boyfriend , or send you an edible arangment
Handcuffs. Recoverd. I'm a goddamn detective.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
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