I just egged your windshield and it froze on contact. Have fun with that.
Seriously... There's something wrong here. I'm drinking vodka to mask the smell of chocolate on my breath before I get home and he finds out. I fucking hate couple dieting...
Just opened a bottle with my rape whistle. At least it's finally getting used for something.
If it makes you feel any better, karma just served me up a big dose of fuck you.
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
Dude when we asked him where he lived all he could tell us was "by the slurpees." That fucked up.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
I even got my dealer to make gluten free special cookies ;-)
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
I didn't have any lime for my chaser.. so after my shot I ate a handful of lime flavored chips. Didn't work so great.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
Randomize
