Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
You would be married by May if you put half as much energy into getting straight guys as you do into getting gay guys
I'm also glad were at the point in our friendship where my vagina talking to you isn't weird
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
He peed in the bird bath. Those birds are gonna be pissed
Why do I have the 4 of hearts in my bra?
Haha we got sick of drinking on 4 is for whores so we stole the cards...I woke up with three of them in mine
drunken problem solving at its finest
Hold on, I need to find something to wear that says "I don't contribute to your daughter's drug problem"
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
i out mim tonsoeep
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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