Do I give off a "I have a sex tape" vibe???
Have you ever seen a 300 pound pregnant lady's boob fall out of her shirt cuz she's not wearing a bra? I have.
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
At the hospital, the nurse kept telling me that i either had appendicitis, a tubular pregnancy, or an ovarian cyst. I kept asking if i could just have chlamydia instead...
Just so we're clear. I'm still making jello shots and bringing them to the bar in my purse. I don't care if its half off margaritas. Don't want anyone thirsty
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
Also I like this area. Lots of places for me to get tacos.
I have so many plans for this weekend and sobriety is not invited.
I got sprayed in the face with titty milk and I'm still so traumatized
I honestly didn't think living in Canada would change me, until I found myself watching hockey porn
I was taking this cougar home in the middle of the night I walked across the hall all naked to take a piss and ran into to some chick from highschool she said no way you are fucking my mom ran into her moms room and started yelling at her
just saw a girl run into an automatic sliding door, back up and try again
Moms passed out wet and naked in a rocking chair again....
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
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