her voice is like 435,765 daggers being simultaneously twisted into my eardrum
i'd rather just be hit by a car than answer her phone calls
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
i dont care if it was her birthday. if she leaves me with a half rack of budweiser and her boyfriend obviously shits gonna go down.
And then you refused to pee in anything but a sink
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
i now understand why vodka
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Just made a secret hand shake with my sisters cat. Boredom at its finest.
Randomize
