Dear __, it'd be a lot easier to fuck if you ever responded. So I'm throwing in the white towel, since I no longer know what you want. Sincerely, ___
Coffee flavored vodka sounded like such a good idea at the time. Now i never want to drink coffee again.
Just found out my mom tried to sue the birth control company when she got pregnant with me...love you too mom.
I am highly attracted to the men and that's all i can say. I do not clap and make noises but i do turn to the side and say how i'd do incredible things to them if given the chance
Article 1, law 1, section 1 of the apartment 25 party handbook: tarp will be purchased prior to any and all future parties. Aforementioned tarp will be placed on floor. Any and all sick patrons must relocate to tarp preceding the event of expulsion of bodily fluids. Failure to do so will result in ejection of guilty patron and banishment of the accused from succeeding party. All patrons must read and sign a copy before entry is granted.
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
I may not have eyeballs after all the drunk naked people having sex outside.
STDs are my biggest fear, besides whales. They're so fucking big.
New drinking game: Drink while you Drink. I'll explain the rules when I see you, needless to say, it's not difficult. Unless you enjoy sobriety, humanity and life. Bestest.
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
He has a baby picture of himself on the night stand. I don't think this whole 'one night stand' thing is for me.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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