i wish my penis had a tongue
last thing I heard her say before I passed out was 'this is great. I never get to be the big spoon.'
Apparently she held up my head the entire 40 minutes, convincing the cab driver that I was okay
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
He led me to his room and handed me the remote, he left to go take a shower and there is a group of guys across the hall just staring at me... Its like they know something i dont. Help me.
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
Unfortunately hes not a hipster douchebag with no life goals, so naturally I'm not interested.
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
Neither a grow-er nor a show-er. More like a no-er. If he didn't have testicles, I'm not sure you could tell he was a male, even standing there naked. There will be no second date.
I have a burn on my hand, I'm covered in bruises, I think my toe is broken, and I have no clothes to wear home.
Once you start using "cuddles" as a code word for sex you'll never get real cuddles again
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
