I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
For Halloween this year I'm gonna go as Angelina from Jersey Shore. I'm gonna yell "umm HELLO?!," cockblock someone, then leave the party early
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
I found him on the floor in the kitchen eating cheese and tomato. I mean a block of cheese and whole tomatoes, he was alternating. Thats why your cheese has teeth marks.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
She made me a smoothie in the morning.. It was vodka and fruit.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
I need a significant other who'll eat Skittles from my boobs
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