that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
He said if I blew him first he'd last longer....if 3 minutes is lasting longer, I'm not sure the bj was worth it
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Theres a disney princess moonbounce on karen st. and I'm drinking beer at a little league field. this might end with me in jail.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I went shopping for a dress that was baptism and bar appropriate.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Life update: This fucking MacBook repair guy called me over last night for a booty call and he didn’t have a condom OR a bed
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
maybe you should have closed the porn before you gave the professor your computer to hook up to the projector?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
The hump and dump is a beautiful thing
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