Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
what happened last night??
everyone saw ******'s vagina
and that's just the beginning
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i may have reached my "but im high so it's cool" quota for the month.
Get to the bar. Power hour leading up to the rapture.
I just sat there and watched paula deen's face melt for an hour.
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
Just came to the realization that what I thought were orgasms were just lightheadedness from hyperventilation. My entire sex life is a lie.
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
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