I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
She said she never had to courage to go fully shaved. Since when did shaving your snatch become courageous?
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
Can I borrow your google glasses to make a sex tape?
Yo making cake in the shape of a penis is no easy feat
So the revenge porn my ex posted just resulted in a contract with a gay porn company. I'm going to make $8,000 this weekend. That would a breakup checkmate. Are you joining me in the legislative committee hearing tomorrow?
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
His name was toto. That should have been my red flag
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
So now your dad has seen my tits. You could have told me he was coming by to help paint.
I didn't think you'd be painting the kitchen topless.
I couldn't find a shirt I was willing to ruin.
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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