I have no voice and feel like lukewarm beer.
His internet history had "Disney Porn" on it.
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
She cried. My mom screams. And nut went everywhere. It was all around a bad situation.
Duuuude - Drag Queen Bingo wasn't supposed to end like thissss
Mike is so stoned. I just heard him quietly mutter to himself "rock a piss" as he walked down the hall to the bathroom
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
I don't mean to complain but you could have done a better job of keeping me alive last night
At some point he mentioned fried rice and take out... I don't think we know how sexting works
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
Welp, I just herniated a vocal cord during sex. How was your night?
That means I have to put pants on. That is not something I am willing to do right now.
He walked into me masturbating to a framed picture of Bill Murray riding a t-rex
Yeah, I'm pretty glad I chose you to have drunken, sloppy birthday sex with.
That's the nicest thing anyone has ever said to me
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