Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
The football player sitting in front of me just googled himself. Only 4 articles came up. That's why he plays at Utah State.
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
Randomize
