How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
Almost peed between 2 cars...till I realized that it's daytime and I'm sober.
If I am going to throw out this whole "born again virgin" thing...i'm not going to do it on someone who is less than 5 inches.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
No, he's ok. He just broke his teeth on the stripper pole. No biggie.
Just walked into a random hotel for the free breakfast. How was your night?
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
The trash can in my living room is full of Popsicle sticks and my vibrator has taken up permanent residence on my coffee table. I'm not doing anything productive. Clearly.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I just got St Patricks day and the day after St Patricks day off, wich I'm pretty sure is as close to a raise as I'll ever get.
So she was on top of my phone and somehow called my roommate while I banged her. I picked up and he congratulated me. I was with his sister. I will take this to my grave.
Randomize
