well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
i don't know what the guinness world record is for longest time eating nothing but skittles but i'm going on six days
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
i just jacked off to lindsey vonn, i feel so patriotic
USA! USA! USA!
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something had to give and with her weight the coffee table never stood a chance
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
I guess your brother-in-law will have his day in the sun tonight after you leave. By that, I of course, mean he's gonna suck liquor milk out your sister's tits.
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also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
she came into my car to rip lines with our blow dealer as I was writing my essay on anti drug policy, i call it on site research
we went to go get waffles and then i sucked his dick in a parking lot. average tuesday.
So there I was, eye fucking the waiter and I spilled beer all down my boobs
I just realized, you're dating a guy named Jameson. That is another level of whiskey dick.
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