saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
Dude i have a 6th sense for when bagel bites are ready.
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
In class ... We were just assigned groups for the quarter... Remember that night we took shots from that guys pants? I now know his name
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Yeah probably not. I have a hair appt, a gun class, and hopefully a boy to fuck. I'm booked.
Masturbated furiously for a half hour; ate a fistful of chocolate, then took a nap. Woke up and finished wrapping presents. I've got this holiday thing down.
Randomize
