He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
we made out on top of his cat.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
In the world of sexual, erotic texting, you rank somewhere between "how much teeth do you want" and "how dry do you want it"
but it was less of a make out and more of a goodnight kiss as a "thanks for giving our drunk asses a ride home and sorry we called your bar the worst bar in LA"
YES. YOU ARE GOING TO HAVE SEX WITH ME WHILE I SING LES MIS.
She's chasing her own tail and is afraid of her own feet. My stoner cat, ladies and gentlemen.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
I turn into such a nice and loving person when I take Vicodin
She was here for a threesome... She doesn't have to put the new roll of toilet paper on the dispenser. She can leave the new roll wherever she wants!
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
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