I just blew up the bathroom at work and now I feel like a new woman
I just am on my way home.. i had 3 and one startd crying and puking.. so they went home. one bitch fuckin ruined it for evryone.. u playin cards?
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
Someone played tic tac toe on my abs?
I don't know what it is about vodka that make me ruin relationships.
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
Pencil dick carries the name proudly.
Sex is always the answer.
Especially if the question is: what have I not had this year?
My new plan is to whip out my titties when they arrive. Maybe they won’t notice that I broke the couch fucking my boss...
Everyone needs to leave the house so I can use the good vibrator without being judged.
Randomize
