you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Found a girl that was gonna make out with 25 people for her 25th birthday. I was like #12. Made top half!
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
Omg, you would have loved the guy I almost hit with my car tonight
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
Why do all the Father's Day cards talk about what a great dad they are? Why can't there be one that says something like "Thanks for sticking it to mom and making me possible, your sperm was appreciated."
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
My house is about to be spotless and the only person visiting is the plumber and not the porno kind.
so at target i bought condoms, on sale undies, pasta roni, and martini mix. the old lady who rang me up asked "honey are you a freshman?" yea lady i am, thanks.
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