Nothing too bad. Lost a stuffed horse on a stick and tore my clothes off. Again.
what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
i'm pretty sure the devil's penis is california-shaped
She had a group on her phone called "great fucks". I was in it. It's almost like making the forbes list
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
She can drink whiskey without a chaser and has a fridge full of whipped cream. Girlfriend potential
Just replaced the batteries in my vibrator without turning on the lights. I need to get laid.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
I run into you far too many times while completely stoned and/or drunk for this not to be fate. It's like god is telling you to fuck me.
It has been happening a lot lately.
Just got hit on by a 50 year old Englishman who is now swapping drunken racing stories with my mom. Live Mariachi band in the background. How's that for a wake?
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
Props to the guy blatantly doing coke in the bathroom at the bar. Walked out of the stall with a credit card in hand, sniffing loudly and shouting "choo choo"
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
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