I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
Took it a bit far last night. While leaving his house, I sent myself a text that said, 'you're still pretty"
The boys in front of me put beer, red plastic cups, ping pong balls, lighterfluid, and twelve packs of pantyhose on the conveyor belt. Whatever drinking game they're playing, I want a part in.
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I wore a leash I'll tell you about it later I had a fantastic time
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
There's no way you didn't at least start out with a dick. I obviously know there isn't one now, but there is no way that you were born a girl
Did my married ex-boyfriend really tell me that he prays for me? Fucking Judas
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
