i kept saying "bloody hell" in a ron weasley accent until i forcibly told myself to shut up
I'm at the airport and there's a guy wearing all camoflash to go hunting .. Should I bump in to him and say woahh sorry didn't see you there?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
There is someone hissing in the hallway. Not even a typo. Not pissing. Hissing. Like a large cat. Or a komodo dragon.
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
I think the paper my teacher just handed back to me had one of his pubes on it, I'm way too hungover for this
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
I'm a full-grown woman and thusly I expect my sphincters to behave themselves.
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
I'm going to force her to break up with me this week. Tonight I plan to shit the bed. If that doesn't work I'm not sure what's next.
We need to move to a different bar soon. When we're standing on the patio, and every guy around us has seen us naked...there's a problem
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